An Election Day message to Rockland County’s Democrats, Republicans, and everyone else who apparently believes plastic signs are a permanent form of landscaping.
New City, NY – The election is over. The polls have closed. The votes are being counted. And across Rockland County, thousands of campaign lawn signs are apparently preparing to serve another term.
We have a simple, bipartisan request for every candidate who participated in the November 3 election.
PLEASE. COME. GET. YOUR. SIGNS.
Republicans. Democrats. Conservatives. Working Families Party. Independents. Everybody.
You put them there. You know where they are. Presumably, somebody in your campaign owns a vehicle.
Please use it.
For months, Rockland County residents have been treated to what can only be described as the world’s largest outdoor exhibition of corrugated plastic.
Every intersection. Every traffic light. Every grassy strip. Every modest little patch of dirt that apparently needed to declare its position on congressional representation.
At certain intersections, there are so many campaign signs that drivers could be forgiven for thinking they’ve accidentally entered a political convention.
And just when you thought you had finally passed the last sign supporting a particular candidate, congratulations! There are six more, twenty feet down the road.
Because apparently, the campaign consultants determined that if one sign didn’t convince you, the thirty-seventh one certainly would.
The Money Behind the Plastic
Now, here’s where things get interesting.
According to Federal Election Commission records covering the 2025–2026 election cycle through October 14, Republican Congressman Mike Lawler’s campaign reported spending approximately $8.53 million.
Democratic challenger Cait Conley’s campaign reported spending approximately $9.76 million.
That’s more than $18.28 million in combined spending.
EIGHTEEN MILLION DOLLARS.
For one congressional race.
And somehow, we’re still expected to believe that the final missing ingredient in American democracy was another piece of blue or red plastic stuck into the ground along Route 59.
The state races weren’t exactly conducted with pocket change, either.
Campaign-finance records through October 19 indicate that Republican State Senator Bill Weber’s campaign spent approximately $631,400, while Democratic challenger Joe Rand’s campaign spent approximately $436,000.
In Assembly District 96, Democrat Patrick Carroll’s reported expenditures reached approximately $214,945, compared with $66,157 for Republican Brett Yagel.
And in Assembly District 99, Democrat Chris Eachus reported approximately $56,647 in expenditures, compared with $6,772 for Republican Richard Vargus.
Of course, these figures represent overall campaign spending, not spending specifically on signs. Campaigns have other expenses, including advertising, staff, consulting, mailings, and the apparently indispensable task of sending seventeen fundraising emails before lunch.
But let’s have a little mathematical fun.
Just How Many Signs Could That Buy?
Bulk political lawn signs can cost just a few dollars apiece. Published pricing from one sign supplier lists 18-by-24-inch signs at approximately $2 each in quantities of 1,000, with metal stakes costing extra.
For our purposes, let’s assume a hypothetical price of $5 per complete sign.
Now suppose each campaign spent just one-half of one percent of its reported expenditures on lawn signs.
Not 5 percent.
Not 10 percent.
Just 0.5 percent.
Here’s what that mathematical exercise produces:
| Campaigns | Combined Spending | Hypothetical Signs |
|---|---|---|
| Lawler / Conley | $18,285,624 | 18,286 |
| Rand / Weber | $1,067,400 | 1,067 |
| Carroll / Yagel | $281,102 | 281 |
| Eachus / Vargus | $63,418 | 63 |
| Total | $19,697,545 | Approximately 19,700 |
That’s nearly 20,000 hypothetical lawn signs from just eight candidates.
To be absolutely clear, this is a mathematical illustration, not a verified count of signs purchased, distributed, or displayed. The spending figures cover entire electoral districts, including areas outside Rockland County, and do not identify actual sign purchases.
And that’s before considering political party committees, independent organizations, Clarkstown’s supervisor race between George Hoehmann and Eugene Bondar, and the many other local campaigns competing for every available square foot of roadside grass.
So no, we can’t tell you exactly how many signs were purchased.
But based on the sheer amount of campaign spending, it’s reasonable to wonder whether a few sign manufacturers have already reserved their winter vacations somewhere tropical.
A Modest Proposal: Operation Take Your Signs Home
Here’s an idea.
Remember those hundreds of volunteers who knocked on doors, made phone calls, distributed campaign literature, and stood outside polling places?
Perhaps a few of them could now participate in a revolutionary new political initiative.
It’s called CLEANING UP.
It requires no polling data, no consultants, no debate moderators, and absolutely no additional campaign fundraising.
Just a vehicle, some volunteers, and an understanding of how to pull a metal stake out of the ground.
Mike Lawler and Cait Conley: Your signs have had their moment.
Joe Rand and Bill Weber: The campaign is over. Your lawn signs can stop campaigning now, too.
Patrick Carroll and Brett Yagel: Thank you for your service to the local printing industry. You may now retrieve your merchandise.
Chris Eachus, Richard Vargus, George Hoehmann, Eugene Bondar, and every other candidate who decorated the county: You’re invited to participate.
Winners, losers, incumbents, challengers — everyone gets the same assignment.
The best part? This is one political issue on which the entire county should be able to agree.
No partisan arguments. No accusations. No expensive research studies.
Just get the signs.
Naturally, campaigns should coordinate with property owners and follow applicable municipal rules. Nobody should trespass or remove someone else’s signs without permission.
And if those campaign signs can be reused or properly recycled, wonderful.
After all, nothing says environmental responsibility quite like removing several thousand pieces of plastic from the landscape after they’ve finished their three-month assignment reminding motorists that someone would like a job.
One Final Request
To every candidate, campaign manager, political committee, and enthusiastic supporter who helped transform Rockland County into an outdoor advertising showroom:
Thank you for participating in the democratic process.
Thank you for the debates, the town halls, the speeches, the television commercials, the mailers, the robocalls, the emails, and the social media advertisements.
Thank you for reminding us, approximately every 150 feet, that there was an election.
We noticed.
We voted.
It’s November 4.
You can stop reminding us now.
And while the final election results may still require certification, there is one result on which we can confidently agree:
Nobody wants to look at these signs until the next election.
You asked Rockland County residents for their votes.
Now we’re asking for something in return.
We like our grass. Can we have it back, now?
Next up: How YouTube is going back to normal today.
Rockland News | Opinion & Satire by Cesar A.
Financial figures are based on Federal Election Commission data and publicly reported New York State campaign-finance disclosures available as of November 4, 2026. Lawn-sign quantities are hypothetical calculations for illustrative and comedic purposes, not verified campaign purchases.
